Reeta ran in the front door sobbing.Reeta was a beautiful 17 year old, she had blond hair and blue eyes. She wasn't short or fat but just right. "Whats the matter?" asked her mom. Her boyfriend ,Jackson, had just broken up with her. She was traumatized.
"Jackson broke up with me" Reeta sobbed.
"Oh sweetie, it's okay, things like this happen. How about you go to the hairdressers and you can look nice and meet another boy".
"I will go for the hair appointment but I'm not looking for a boyfriend."
"That's fine"
"I'm going for a walk"
"Have fun darling"
Reeta's mom didn't understand how Reeta felt. All she cared about was finding another boyfriend for Reeta.But that's not what Reeta wanted.Reeta wanted Jackson back, But Jackson had another plan.
The next morning was Saturday and her appointment was at 10:00 sharp. She drove down to "hairs R us" and found a parking spot. She walked in but the only one who was in there was Jackson. "Jackson?" Reeta asked unbelievably. "what are you doing here?"
"I made a mistake, I shouldn't have broken up with you".
"Oh Jackson, I love you. Wheres Barbra".(Barbra was Reeta's hairdresser).
"She is in the back, come with me." Jackson led Reeta into the back room. "Barbra??" Reeta called.
"I guess she isn't here. She must be on her lunch break."
"At 10:00 AM? I dont think she would do that!"
"Oh well I guess its just you and me".
"I guess so" Jackson pulled Reeta into a corner and pressed his lips against hers.Now what she didn't know is what he was pulling out of his pocket.She was only thinking about was their lip locking.The knife slowly made its way up to her heart. She couldn't see the glare because the corner was so dark.
"bye" said Jackson in a sly voice.
"Huh??" Reeta replied. She took a step back and barley saw the knife. She was speechless, she couldn't open her mouth.
"Bye" he said again as he thrust the knife forward in her direction.
"AHHHH" Reeta screamed as she She grabbed a pair of scissors and threw them at him. They hit his legs as he stumbled to the ground groaning in pain.Reeta ran out of the back room and out of the store. She drove home as fast as she could and phoned the police.
* * *
The police never did end up finding Jackson. No one knows when he will show up next.
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Lots of ideas I think that it was good lots of suspense but it was a little short my rating is a 4/5 you got the right ideas and It's creative and I would've red more
ReplyDeletei did not expect the knife so yeah that was good 4/5
ReplyDeleteYour ideas were really good. And i liked how you made it so that just when you think they our going to have a happy ending, you change it. Maybe you could have made it a bit longer. I would give it a 4 for ideas.
ReplyDeleteThere were lots of good ideas, I think you could've expaneded more on the story. But otherwise it was really good!! 4/5
ReplyDeleteI like the suspense in your story. But it was a bit short. You could have made it so he comes back in the same story. Good though! 3.5/5
ReplyDeleteIt was too short otherwise i thought it was pretty good. The idea was in topic and it was descriptive. 4
ReplyDelete